And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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