if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
