Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
