I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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