There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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