I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Shame is for Republicans.
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