Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
