best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I love having hate sex.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
