Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
