So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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