hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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