Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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