A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
