When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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