history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
