How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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