first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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