i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
