Someone shit on the floor
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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