I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
