i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
