Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
