i just wanna soil my oats bro
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
