Pappa wants mamma naked
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
