It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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