Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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