Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
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