when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I can text with my tongue
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
