my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
