he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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