And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
