Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
