At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
When did angry sex become our thing?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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