As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
