My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
