finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
