i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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