I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
