At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
