can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
