He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
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