So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
