Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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