the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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