God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
im holly from the hills drunk
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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