I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
