She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
