Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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