Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
