You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
