Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just threw up on my dentist
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
