And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
